Dating App Absolute Gems No. 4

Some real wild ones this week so let’s dive right in!!!! No time to waste:

 

I’m gonna go ahead and say you will never get an Uber with this guy.

 

Big words from a guy who literally took the time to put his own Zodiac in his bio.

This guy matched with me while my job title clearly states that I’m in Social Media?

I don’t know guys, I don’t think he’s gonna find anyone for his niche interests.

These were funny in 2014 for 5 minutes.

When your friend is way hotter than you so you have to cover his face with an emoji. I get it, I see you.

Even the Bumble bio has it’s limits.

 

Mystery, ladies, you ever heard of it?

 

 

And lastly, our Absolute Gem of the Week. I’m bestowing this honor on this guy for not taking the 7 seconds to google Shawn Mendes and then matching with me after I was incredibly snarky. God speed, king.

Dating App Absolute Gems: No. 3

This week features a man that is definitely wearing a toupee and a new segment I’m calling “Absolute Gem of the Week.” Let’s get started:

 

Idk if my standards for men are too low, but I have never seen a drunk guy wash his face before bed. Let’s be honest, I can’t really recall a time I’ve ever seen a guy wash his face.

And on today’s episode of “holy shit, is that a toupee???”

Wow what a mystery, I’d love to be that lounge one day.

Ladies, red flag or deal breaker? This dude has absolutely no brain, but is probably a fun time.

Ugh, guys it’s fine. They’re just homies!!! Also probably the thing he’ll say after the 5th time he cheats on you with her.

 

I’m just gonna leave this one here. His entire profile was just pictures of food. Can’t bear to make fun of it, just bums me out. I hope he finds his food queen.

And last, but not least, this week’s #1 Absolute Gem. He deserved an entire screen recorded video for his profile. I can’t believe he’s single.