A Definitive Argument For Being “Picky”

 

I have been what normal people would classify as “single” basically my entire existence (save for about 4 horrifying months which I’m just not even gonna count anymore). However, I was “dating” my entire college life and it was less than enjoyable if you can guess. “Dating” I would classify as anyone you spend time with, hook-up with on a regular basis and/or drunk cry about when they don’t text you back after a certain amount of months. My college existence was an endless cycle of this. Meet a guy, go out with him, meet his friends, get invested, and fizzle into nothing more than a sad thought after too much vodka. Then, start all that all over again with some other dude. My mom would always say, “It’s because you’re too picky! A guy doesn’t have to be super hot!” Those words stuck in my mind every time I thought, “okay I don’t like this about him maybe we shouldn’t talk anymore.” My mom’s voice would come into my head and so, I resolved to stick it out. “Give him a chance” and “you’re too picky” is the shady form of “this guy likes you so you should date him even if you don’t like him because you might not ever get someone to like you again” Which is a terrifying thing to a woman, I mean, how do we survive if there isn’t a guy who likes us? No one has ever claimed that men are too picky and single, they’re just “bachelors sewin’ their wild oats,” or whatever. Guys are some of the most picky people on the planet and yet, I don’t see anyone claiming they need to change.

There’s a lot of pressure, as a single person, to be actively trying to date someone. So much so, that there’s a market for it, hence dating apps. Since moving here, men are everywhere and nowhere, simultaneously. Supposedly, there are millions of men in New York City, and I’ve yet to discover a single decent male I didn’t have to first meet on a dating app. Working in fashion meant I saw about 2 humans of the male variety, all of which, are gay. That means, if I want to meet someone I have to meet them either randomly (coffee shop, gym, subway?), at a bar or on a dating app. My preferred method has been the apps. Easiest and fastest way to meet people and not having to be on “patrol” for guys everywhere I go. Dating apps are the one place where you can embrace your “picky.” Weird picture? Bye. He’s only 5’6″? Nope. Then you start to weed through a lot of guys really fast and you think “well maybe height isn’t a huge deal” or “yeah he lives in Jersey and I live in Brooklyn but it could work!” Why are you forcing yourself to sacrifice all the things you want in a guy just because it’s taking a hot second to actually find it? I’ve been with some guys who have been the absolute worst just to, “give them a chance,” and at the end of it I just thought, “Why did I even waste my precious time?” Women have been crucified for having a check-list for the perfect dude so much that we now have to just date whoever comes along. Yes, sometimes you can find things in people you never saw coming, but wasting energy on people you have no interest in is, well, a waste. I wouldn’t say the guys I actually liked checked all my invisible “boxes,” but the things I would sacrifice in order to just date someone were readily available in other people if I would’ve just chilled the F out for a few months. So often we settle for “fine” because it’s comfortable in a relationship. You like them, but something is off, and you stay because you don’t want to have to start all over with someone else. Relationships are fun, but also should be exciting and way more than just “fine.”

Doing a quick Google search about being picky in a relationship can yield a plethora of articles about how to “fix” it. I get it; don’t be picky because you could also miss a great guy! I think we just get too lonely and next thing you know, the list goes totally out the window just so we can stop feeling so horrible about being single. What I’m trying to say is, don’t throw out your checklist. Remember the episode of Friends where Chandler resolves to not be picky anymore and goes out with the girl who has the weird nostrils and stick it out with the girl who has mascara goop in her eyes? Guess what, he should’ve left those girls in the dust because at the end of the day, they weren’t right for him and truned out to be real weirdos. One of them left him locked up to a desk with no pants on.  Fictional example, but it holds up. Embrace being picky about who you date and spend time with, no matter how old you get, how long you’ve been single or how many holidays you have to say “Yep, still single and picky.”

 

Navigating the Health Craze B.S.

I wanna preface this by saying: I am no health expert. I have no formal training and really just google stuff a lot.

However, I have been doing this whole “health” thing for a hot minute (and by that I mean for years). I wouldn’t say I’ve got it all figured out, but I do have a few tips since I’ve basically tried and tested everything from “I only eat eggs for breakfast every morning” to “I eat protein shakes for dinner and also and entire box of cereal.”

One of the worst, and simultaneously best, things about the internet is having access to MASS amounts of information all time. This is awesome because you can pretend you’re a little sponge and just soak up all the information you can! This is also bad because some of that information is probably not even real, some might say fake news. First tip:

  1. Research and read peoples stuff even if its just opinions

You may be thinking, why would I wanna hear some persons opinions? First of all, you are right now, fool. Secondly, it could help you figure out a problem way quicker and feel more connected in your health journey. For instance, if someone was like yo, when I eat green beans, my ankles swell (I literally made that up don’t @ me) and then when that happens to you, you’re like oh my god me too! You feel like less of a weirdo and also less isolated. Sometimes, being conscience of what you put in your body all of the time can be exhausting, having a connection can help. Which leads me to my next tip:

2. Find Instagrams, blogs and just people who are also trying to be a health human so you can get ideas.

I recently followed this Instagram where the guy just posts healthy versions of desserts. I made some brownies with just banana, almond butter and cacao powder. Not too shabby if I do say so myself. You can get recipes, ideas for new health stuff you’ve never heard of in your life (like Maca that I recently discovered) and feel like there’s another person in the world who also is tired of people asking why they eat kale. Also important is figuring out what works for you. How do you do that?

3. Try it, all of it

I change my diet pretty frequently. Mostly because I stick to the same stuff every week and then I’m like “if I have to look at another asparagus, I’m gonna lose it.” This stems from a childhood obsession with eating stuff repeatedly, that I love, until I hate it. I won’t touch Cliff bars anymore since I used to eat them all the time my freshman year of college (and honestly they’re basically trash anyway). If you wanna change up your diet then do it. If you try something and it’s awful, stop. You might like things you never thought you would, like kale, or you might be like “yeah green beans are still trash, thanks 5 year old me.” Also a common misconception:

4. Your meals don’t have to be Michelin level

No joke, almost everything I eat is 3 ingredients, max. I can’t stand preparing a meal that takes 30 minutes of my life and 10 ingredients (which is why meal kits aren’t really my jam). Meal prep if you wanna be fancy, but reheated food kinda sucks so I always prefer to do minimal cooking. Best advice to get veggies, quick: olive oil, salt, pepper and bake for 25 minutes. Done and done. Last, but most importantly:

5.  Every body is different~~~***~~~*** (see what I did)

I don’t eat lunch. I do interval fasting and then I’ll eat breakfast super late and then have a snack and dinner and that’s my day. Some people think that’s super weird, but I like saving my calories for the end of the day. I’ve tried to spread it out more, but then I just eat more, so its counterproductive. If you like eating a whole bunch as soon as you wake up and then nothing by the end of the day, then do that! There’s really no right answer. Not all health people eat the same thing because not everyone can do that. You can only listen to peoples advice for so long before you gotta just do what feels good to you. Honestly, it might take you a while to figure out what that even is and that’s cool too. Everyday they come out with something saying “this food is bad!!! Never eat it!!!” and two years later they say “chocolate fixes cancer.”

In the end, there’s no magic trick. The internet can say “drink apple cider vinegar and all your problems will disappear,” but thats just not real. It’s consistency and being happy with what your doing above all the random B.S. you get thrown.

 

 

 

The Broke Girl’s Guide: Apartment Hunting in NYC

Finding an apartment back home was pretty easy-peasy. You go to the one closest to school, with the nicest pool of course and your dad pays your rent! It’s fab! Here, its difficult, difficult, lemon difficult. Those cool apartments with the nice pools are now like $4,000 a month and you live with 5 other people. Also, you have to make like at least 50K, send a letter from your work saying “hey she works here or whatever,” have good credit, and also give them your soul as collateral. Don’t wanna do that? Same! Now you’re gonna have to work to find a place and it is not fun.

My first time around looking for a place did not go as planned. I waited until about two weeks before I had to move before I started looking, first mistake. I would say you need to start looking AT LEAST 1 month before you wanna move, maybe even more. That’s the first tip:

  1. Start looking as early as possible in order to weed out the prison-cell-looking places and get something decent.

That’s the other thing I learned very quickly in NYC: people live in the scariest looking places for thousands of dollars a month. I can’t tell you how many places I walked into, just to walk right out and “nope” really hard. Everyone wants to be in this city, so people are basically willing to live anywhere. I, am a diva, and I like to live in a nice, cute spot that’s decorated and smells nice. Also, I don’t wanna pay over budget or live with 5 people and 1 bathroom. Sounds easy enough, right? Nope, guess again my naive friend! This is why I looked early.

Despite this, I still didn’t follow another very crucial rule:

2. If you find a place you actually like, jump on it immediately.

I found an amazing place that was basically a studio for amazingly cheap, but held back cause it was slightly more than I wanted to pay. Waited mere hours before taking it and someone had taken it immediately after seeing it. That’s the thing about NYC: shit moves FAST. If there’s an amazing place, chances are there’s at least 10 other people looking at it so lock it down if you love it. I’m still bitter I lost that place, low-key.

I read this one bloggers tips for finding a place and she couldn’t have been more out of touch (no offense). She suggested a bunch of sites like Street Easy and “just ask the doorman!” This is sound advice if you make 40x the rent of whatever your looking at, have a roommate already (or living with your S/O) or if you have someone to co-sign. I had none of these being that I don’t make a lot, I knew about 3 people and none of them were looking to move and my dad doesn’t live in New York and for some reason that’s sketchy and they don’t want you. My next tip would be:

3. Join Facebook groups that post apartments for sublease, they’re probably your best resource for good places.

I used Gypsy Housing to find the place I have now. Craigslist is also a good source. Unlike in the South, its not a sketch-zone and you usually get normal people just trying to sell stuff. You do have a few sketchy people on any site, I won’t lie, but go with your gut. If something feels off, don’t sign or give anyone any money.

I’ve now lived in three different apartments in less than a year and one of the most important things I learned was this:

4. Find a place you feel comfortable, not just somewhere to sleep.

This can be pretty hard in the city, considering you never really know what you’re gonna get with a place. My first place here was one I definitely couldn’t wait to get out of, so I’m glad it was just an Airbnb. Try to find a place you can make your own, and people who don’t drive you insane to live with.

My moral here: NYC is a stressful city. It’s loud, cold half of the time, smells weird and people are everywhere. You have to have somewhere that you can relax, de-stress, and curl up in a head blanket with a cookie when times are rough. It can take some time to find it, but it’s worth investing in.

 

My Morning and Night Routine

As requested, here is my nightly and morning-ly routine!

Firstly: AM Schedule

Real talk, I get up early as hell and I couldn’t tell you the last time I slept in on a work day. Period. It’s really important for me to workout in the morning and if I don’t get my butt up, I’m not working out. It took me a while to get used to the commute and waking up an extra hour early (actual hell for the first two months), but now that I have a routine I stick to it obsessively. Trying to be a better planner the night before, but most times I’m just winging it. 

6:15: First alarm goes off

I’m gonna admit it. I snooze it. Every.time. I either go back to sleep if I’m really tired, or just lay there for a few minutes

6:24: Second alarm goes off

Okay I’m awake, but I snooze again and check my phone for messages, snaps etc. Basically, the haps while I was asleep (cause I also go to sleep super early)

6:33: Third alarm goes off

Get out of bed, make the bed (which involves pulling up the comforter and propping up the pillows lol) and head to the bathroom

6:33-6:45(ish): Bathroom Junk

Wash my face and chug a glass of water (essential). This wakes me up real quick and gets me ready for the workout ahead. I got into the habit of washing my face before I workout and shower. I feel like washing the gunk off my face before I sweat is better than having the night gunk sitting on my face on top of the sweat? Maybe that only makes sense to me. I also have a super dry mouth, so drinking water all the time is kind of unavoidable. 

6:45-7:30: Workout

This is a give or take since sometimes it takes me a sec to figure out what workouts I wanna do specifically and/or if i feel like running if it’s my running day. Mondays are always 45 minutes no matter what. Tuesday and Thursday is 30-35 (35 on a good day). Wednesday and Friday could be 30, or could be 40-45 just depends on how I feel. Here’s a post more on my workout routine during the week.

7:30: Take a minute to breathe 

This title sounds like my apple watch talking to me. Anyway, I just started doing this again and I really like it. I have the apple watch and on it, is an app specifically just for focusing on breathing. I recommend it just to set some intentions for yourself before starting your day. Again, a struggle because I’m thinking about all the stuff I need to do before work, during work and after work. It’s only a minute, so I try to squeeze it in, no excuses. 

7:31-ish: Shower

Next I head to the shower. Ya’ll know what goes on in there. Then I chug another glass of water and brush my teeth. 

7:45-8:30: Makeup, get dressed, chug more water and run out the door.

This is where I kinda struggle because I like to leisurely do my makeup which forces all other things to be quick and rushed. I try to figure out what I’m wearing the next day ahead of time but if you’re a girl then you know sometimes you put stuff on and it looks dumb so you have to try 50 other shirts before you get it right. Sometimes it works, but most times I’m just late and fast-walking to the subway.

And there you have my morning routine!

Nightly Routine:

For obvious reasons, my nightly routine is a little more lax because I have more time, but here’s a definitive list of everything I HAVE to do before I go to bed.

  • Drink a warm lemon water

Started doing this a few weeks ago and I really like how it’s been making me feel. Yes, it tastes pretty gross but I’m gonna drink the water anyway so why not give it a little boost? I also drink one of these in the morning while I’m at work before I have coffee. 

  • After using said lemon half for my water, I squeeze that shit on my face

Okay this is super weird but I just decided to do this one night and tbh it has dried my face up so much and helped a lot with my scars. I’ll give more details in a different post, but trust me its good.

  • After normal night junk like washing my face and brushing my teeth, I take my eye makeup off with Coca Butter

This is essentially like using Vaseline, but I already had this and it does the same stuff. My lashes look longer and fuller and stay curled better when I do this instead of using a makeup wipe.

  • Attempt to figure out what I’m wearing tomorrow and what workouts I’ll be doing in the morning

New thing I’m attempting to do to save myself from the inevitable power walking to the subway in the morning. Depending on the day, I need to pick out which videos I’ll be doing and in what order etc. This gives me more time to do the actual workout without having to waste time picking videos.

  • Journal/write in some sort of way

I have a book that prompts me each day with a question I have to answer. I love it because it forces me to write SOMETHING everyday. I also have just a regular journal that I write in whenever I feel the urge. I also have one that is a prompt for a 1 page short story. This sounds obnoxious since I also have a blog, but the goal is to write a book one day and I gotta work on fictional writing as well as just blogging. I also don’t write in all three everyday cause who’s that put together?

And that’s the routine! I got to bed at 10:30 because I love sleep and am also a g-maw.

 

 

The Sunday Summary

Talking about this new dry shampoo hair trick I tried, my new favorite pants (cause I’m all about pants lately), the best Galentine’s ever and the best workout for your abs!

Beauty

Processed with VSCO with p5 preset

As a blogger, I follow a ton of bloggers on Instagram (duh). I recently started following Brighton Keller who lives in Dallas. She super sweet and one of the more genuine bloggers in my opinion. I saw on one of her stories recently about a dry shampoo trick she does with her hair and then mental made a note to try it out one day. Well Friday I was struggling with some day-3-hair-bun-action and this guy was like “let’s have drinks!” My motto is to just say yes to everything so I was like I guess I gotta figure out how to make this work and then I remembered her trick and was immediately over-joyed. I’ll link her video here, but the gist is to take a round brush, hair drier, dry shampoo and basically act like you’re drying your hair with a round brush even when its dried. Sounds very weird but my hair was super flat and gross so I figured I’d give it a shot. I used Not Your Mother’s Texturizing Dry Shampoo, but you can use whatever you have.

 

And there you have it! Definitely not something I have time or energy for everyday since I barely have time to dry my hair, but definitely something to do on day 3 hair that just the grossest it could possibly be (aka my hair).

Style

I never in my wildest dreams thought I would like pants that look like these, but New York has changed me (kinda). These are some that I got from work that aren’t available yet (coming soon I swear its on the website), but you really can get these anywhere. Super comfortable and have like a denim-feel without looking it straight up jeans. Here I dressed them up with booties and a black turtle-neck:

Processed with VSCO with p5 preset

 

Then I dressed them down with a t-shirt and sweater with converse:

Processed with VSCO with p5 preset

 

Fitness

I love me some Tabata because its short bursts of working out, which makes it go by quicker. To me, it’s the best new way to do a HITT workout. My new favorite is this super quick ab workout I just discovered. As I’ve said in my workout routine post, I run every other day and do abs. This is great because its quick and by the time I finish running, I’m over it (cause running kinda sucks lets be real).

Processed with VSCO with p5 preset

So I watched this show………

Processed with VSCO with p5 preset

This honestly should just be titled “I binged this show in a day because it was so good.” I don’t know if you guys remember Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, but me and my mom LOVED that show when I was a kid and we watched it all the time. Well Netflix has done a re-boot with all new people and it is the best reality show I have seen in a while. The guys are ADORABLE and fun, I have a huge crush on Antoni like zamn. It’s just like the old one where each guy is in charge of different aspects of life like food, style, and design. Besides this show being hilarious and fun, it’s also so important and they touch on some really serious issues. They talk about police brutality against black men (Karamo is black), what it means to be gay and religious and the struggle to define yourself as a black and gay man. I laughed, I cried and I cannot wait for next season

So I read this book…….

Processed with VSCO with p5 preset

I subscribed to Book of the Month, which is a great way for me to push myself to read more and I get a gorgeous hardcover book for 16 bucks! I just finished this book and wow, it was insane. It’s all about this woman living with Agoraphobia (fear of the outside) because of a drama she experienced about a year ago. Of course it’s a murder mystery romance-y thing because that’s all I read now.

 

So I did a fun thing in NYC and you should too

If you’re a human being, you know that Valentines Day was this past week (barf). However, you might not know that the day before Valentines day is Galentine’s Day! Coined by the beautiful and fictional Leslie Knope of Parks and Rec, it is a day of celebrating gals! I decided to take my gals to this beautiful restaurant Café Medi. I’ve been wanting to see it girl because the pictures I’ve seen are unreal.

Processed with VSCO with p5 presetProcessed with VSCO with p5 presetProcessed with VSCO with p5 preset

 

They were having a Galentine’s event, 3 courses AND a bottle of wine for 50 bucks. Basically a steal for NYC and I love any excuse to drink on a weekday. The place was gorgeous, and the food was unbelievable. I ate way too much and had way too much fun. No complaints from me.