The Faint of Heart Need Not Apply

I will admit, it took me way too long to write this post.

Not because I’m just so busy (hah), but because I’m always grappling with how much I want to share on here. I’m gonna spoil it for you: this post isn’t necessarily all rainbows and happy-fun-times, which is why it took me so long to write/post. I have to silence the introvert part of my brain that says “OVERSHARE! OVERSHARE! NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW THIS MUCH ABOUT YOU!!! She is very loud and irrationally scared of being judged. As usual, she must be silenced in my quest for true transparency.

It is, although it may not seem like it, hopeful.

A few weeks ago, I had a very important meeting about a job. Not just your run-of-the-mill J-O-B, but something I wanted to do very badly. Let me emphasize that: I wanted this job VERY, VERY BADLY. Enough? Oh man, I thought about it and did all the things to prepare for it. I was determined. I went to the interview and despite being 10 minutes late because of the train and sweaty, I killed it. Not tooting my own horn, I really did. Have you ever gone to an interview where you not only wanted the job, but would put every ounce of passion and determination behind it if you got it? You know you deserve this job, you just have to convince this person, who is not you, that you should get it over anyone else that’s probably equally good if not better. Easy, right?

Afterward, I started doing all the things I thought I would be doing, had I gotten the job. I did all of the things those “self-help” books tell you to do if you want something; act like you already have it. So I did, and I waited. And waited. Just so you know, applying for jobs is a lot of just waiting for people to get back to you. Finally, after a week of waiting I had my answer and it was No. Not literally just an email with the word “no” in bold, that would be horrifying. In different words, but a “no” all the same. So I have my very first soul-crushing “no” under my belt, officially. Am I upset? Yes. Will I be okay? 1,000,000% yes. Mostly because I had already gone through the 7 stages of grief even before I heard back, but also because I will not be stopped. Say that out loud to the all-powerful-universe and tell me that doesn’t give you the chills a little.

This month has been one of the best, but most uncomfortable I’ve ever been. I’ve had to reach out to people, follow up with people, bug people and even message people on Instagram in hopes it will get me where I want to be. I don’t have a clear idea of what that means, but I do know that the things that I’ve been doing lately are getting me there. Therefore, I will not be stopped. As the beautiful and talented Shonda Rhimes said,

Ditch the dream and be a doer, not a dreamer. Maybe you know exactly what it is you dream of being, or maybe you’re paralyzed because you have no idea what your passion is. The truth is, it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to know. You just have to keep moving forward. You just have to keep doing something, seizing the next opportunity, staying open to trying something new. It doesn’t have to fit your vision of the perfect job or the perfect life. Perfect is boring and dreams are not real. Just … do. So you think, “I wish I could travel.” Great. Sell your crappy car, buy a ticket to Bangkok, and go. Right now. I’m serious.

You want to be a writer? A writer is someone who writes every day, so start writing. You don’t have a job? Get one. Any job. Don’t sit at home waiting for the magical opportunity. Who are you? Prince William? No. Get a job. Go to work. Do something until you can do something else. -Dartmouth Commencement Speech 2014

I highly recommend her book as well, The Year of Yes. I’m trying my very hardest to be a doer, not just a dreamer. I can, I will and eventually say “I did.”

 

The Tah-dews in Nashville

If you haven’t been keeping up with my ‘gram, I just got back from a super fun little va-cay in Nashville this week. I had the MOST fun (shoutout to my cousins Kristen and Andrew!). I honestly came back a little bummed? So weird, I kind of get like that when I visit the south.  I love NYC, but there’s nothing like decompressing in the south for a few days. When I moved here, I never thought in a billion years I would be saying I actually miss the South. Somewhere the universe is laughing at me and my naiveté. Anyway, I’ve been to Nashville a couple times and I wanted to share some stuff that I did that I recommend!

Fourth of July Fireworks Downtown

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This is highly specific to the 4th, but wow they were great. Second only to NYC, of course. They start at 9:30 and last until 10. I was lucky enough to see them from this GORGEOUS downtown apartment. She had full view of them and I was in heaven. She also had the cutest little Persian cats, so, obviously #goals. Just trying to be the NYC equivalent, ya know?

 

Murals

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There’s actually a bunch of murals I wanted to check out, but we only got to this one. There’s also angel wings one and “Nashville looks good on you.” Found this one via thefashionablybroketeacher on Instagram! She’s based in Philly, but goes to Nashville all the time (jealous), so I looked at her pictures for some ideas! This mural went perfectly with all of our fourth of July garb.

Frothy Monkey

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Horrible name, amazing salad.

Hiking Trails


No pictures of this because we were so ~one~ with nature, or I forgot, you decide. They have so many just outside the city and they’re so cute. If I lived here and simultaneously had all of my shit together, I would run at least one day. Great for when you wanna workout, but not super hard.

Nama Sushi

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Been to this place twice now, and it’s amazing. We happened to go when they had half-priced rolls which made it taste that much better. You should definitely try the seaweed salad, sounds horrifying but very good. Trust me.

Losers Bar


Will I come here every time I go to Nashville? Yes. Is it because I saw Garrett Hedlund the first time I went and must see him again? No….maybe a little. They play my favorite country band of all time, Brooks & Dunn, so it is a must-go. 

Meowsic City Cafe

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Cutest little place and I get to pet cats? I’m there. All of the cats are adoptable and even Kristen liked it (and she thinks cats are weird and they say the same about her, probably). All I wanna know is, when are we getting one in NYC?

The Candle Bar

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The day was very gross and rainy, so perfect weather to chill and make some candles! So many fragrances, I could barely choose. I felt like a 60 year old grandma chemist with my beaker and scale! Loved the concept and again, where’s the one in NYC?

Hattie B’s Chicken


Three words: BETTER. THAN. CANES. Still need the sauce, but the chicken was unbelievable and definitely satisfied a very hungover and hangry me. There’s always a line, but you have to go. With three locations in Nashville, its gotta be good.

There you have it, pals! Nashville is one of my favorite places and is home to one of my favorite people, so I absolutely love going. My only qualm is that we went to a party and all the men wore flip-flops. Guys, get it together! Just kidding (kinda). 

 

A Definitive Argument For Being “Picky”

 

I have been what normal people would classify as “single” basically my entire existence (save for about 4 horrifying months which I’m just not even gonna count anymore). However, I was “dating” my entire college life and it was less than enjoyable if you can guess. “Dating” I would classify as anyone you spend time with, hook-up with on a regular basis and/or drunk cry about when they don’t text you back after a certain amount of months. My college existence was an endless cycle of this. Meet a guy, go out with him, meet his friends, get invested, and fizzle into nothing more than a sad thought after too much vodka. Then, start all that all over again with some other dude. My mom would always say, “It’s because you’re too picky! A guy doesn’t have to be super hot!” Those words stuck in my mind every time I thought, “okay I don’t like this about him maybe we shouldn’t talk anymore.” My mom’s voice would come into my head and so, I resolved to stick it out. “Give him a chance” and “you’re too picky” is the shady form of “this guy likes you so you should date him even if you don’t like him because you might not ever get someone to like you again” Which is a terrifying thing to a woman, I mean, how do we survive if there isn’t a guy who likes us? No one has ever claimed that men are too picky and single, they’re just “bachelors sewin’ their wild oats,” or whatever. Guys are some of the most picky people on the planet and yet, I don’t see anyone claiming they need to change.

There’s a lot of pressure, as a single person, to be actively trying to date someone. So much so, that there’s a market for it, hence dating apps. Since moving here, men are everywhere and nowhere, simultaneously. Supposedly, there are millions of men in New York City, and I’ve yet to discover a single decent male I didn’t have to first meet on a dating app. Working in fashion meant I saw about 2 humans of the male variety, all of which, are gay. That means, if I want to meet someone I have to meet them either randomly (coffee shop, gym, subway?), at a bar or on a dating app. My preferred method has been the apps. Easiest and fastest way to meet people and not having to be on “patrol” for guys everywhere I go. Dating apps are the one place where you can embrace your “picky.” Weird picture? Bye. He’s only 5’6″? Nope. Then you start to weed through a lot of guys really fast and you think “well maybe height isn’t a huge deal” or “yeah he lives in Jersey and I live in Brooklyn but it could work!” Why are you forcing yourself to sacrifice all the things you want in a guy just because it’s taking a hot second to actually find it? I’ve been with some guys who have been the absolute worst just to, “give them a chance,” and at the end of it I just thought, “Why did I even waste my precious time?” Women have been crucified for having a check-list for the perfect dude so much that we now have to just date whoever comes along. Yes, sometimes you can find things in people you never saw coming, but wasting energy on people you have no interest in is, well, a waste. I wouldn’t say the guys I actually liked checked all my invisible “boxes,” but the things I would sacrifice in order to just date someone were readily available in other people if I would’ve just chilled the F out for a few months. So often we settle for “fine” because it’s comfortable in a relationship. You like them, but something is off, and you stay because you don’t want to have to start all over with someone else. Relationships are fun, but also should be exciting and way more than just “fine.”

Doing a quick Google search about being picky in a relationship can yield a plethora of articles about how to “fix” it. I get it; don’t be picky because you could also miss a great guy! I think we just get too lonely and next thing you know, the list goes totally out the window just so we can stop feeling so horrible about being single. What I’m trying to say is, don’t throw out your checklist. Remember the episode of Friends where Chandler resolves to not be picky anymore and goes out with the girl who has the weird nostrils and stick it out with the girl who has mascara goop in her eyes? Guess what, he should’ve left those girls in the dust because at the end of the day, they weren’t right for him and truned out to be real weirdos. One of them left him locked up to a desk with no pants on.  Fictional example, but it holds up. Embrace being picky about who you date and spend time with, no matter how old you get, how long you’ve been single or how many holidays you have to say “Yep, still single and picky.”

 

NYC Things That Are Worth the Hype (and the Stuff That’s Just Hype)

I wanted to write this post because I feel like I love trying all the things people rave about (or post really pretty Instagram pictures of) and I wanted to give some honest opinions. Ya girl isn’t sponsored, so I’m allowed to say when things are actually worth the money and the ‘gram pic, or if they’re just “the ‘gram pic and leave” sort of thing. Here are a few worth those coins:

Murray’s Cheese Bar: 

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“You’ve talked about this like 8 times we know you love it.” I don’t wanna hear the haters right now!!!!! I love this place and I will talk about it as many times as I want this is my blog!!! Okay I’m done

Magnolia Bakery’s Banana Pudding:

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I’ve had a better cupcake in my day, (don’t burn me for that), but this stuff is unreal. It should honestly have its own name because banana pudding makes me think of Jello pudding and that’s just gross. This stuff is light, airy and not at all the gloppy goop that is Jello.

Freeman’s

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Their door is all over the ‘gram, but their food is worth a stop as well. Pretty sure me and my friend indulge in 3 full courses and no regrets. Also Paul Giamatti sat next to us so it’s gotta be good!

Agavé

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Will all of these be about food??? The answer is maybe, stay tuned. I loved this place. Super hard to get into if you don’t have a reservation, but worth the wait. Atmosphere is slamming and the drinks are continuous, which can be hard to find in a bottomless brunch. “Sorry we’re going to ignore you now that you’ve had 3 drinks and also half of this is water.” None of that please. I’d go back just for the drinks and our super cool waitress (even though I forgot her name and I’m upset about it).

A Yankee’s Game

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No, I don’t suddenly care about baseball, although a beautiful baseball player in my life should sway me. Sometimes, I like baseball rather than football. There’s annoying fans in both, but baseball is less drunk angry yelling. Also might be because the only football games i’ve been to have no alcohol and I’m surrounded by my dangerously drunk peers. At any rate, it makes me feel super NYC without having to get all dressed up.

Central Park

This place can be a little terrifying because it is HUGE, but worth a look. One day, I hope to just walk the entire thing in order to see all it has to offer. Restaurants, statues and iconic scenes are all up in here. If you go in deep enough, you can forget you live in a city that always smells.

IPic Theaters 

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While I could’ve done without the waiter saying “you guys okay?” while there were guns a blazin’ or when he gave us the check while a very serious scene was on, I still recommend this. Nothin’ like relaxing in a giant chair, a blanket, eating some truffle fries and watching a movie on a big screen. Not a cheap thing to do all the time, but definitely when its gross outside and you still want to leave your bed.

Finally, here are the things you can just skip because they are the equivalent of the shrugging emoji:

Rainbow Bagel:

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All the rage in BK right now because you can get them at The Bagel Store in Williamsburg. Very cute and make a great pic, but eating it? Kinda ew. I am the queen of sugar and this was too much for me. I ended up just wanting a regular bagel and this was just sweet bread and a choking amount of icing.

The “club” scene:

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I love nothing more than getting down with some gal pals, but this is just not my vibe. I will say, I have had a fun time once, but I’m over it. It takes a village (a promoter) to even get you in and even in a expedited line, there probably 30 other girls waiting for the same promoter. You feel out of place if you aren’t in a bodycon dress and there’s no where you can even think about talking to anyone. So many better places for dancing without feeling old (EDM hurts my ears).

Please Don’t Tell:

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I’m shocked I wasn’t accosted for even taking a picture in this place. Over hyped and so unnecessarily boujee, this place was just not for me. Speakeasies are all the rage and I’ve been wanting to try this one since I was just a wee intern two years ago. Unfortunately, I like to talk to people outside my party in a bar and drink things that I recognize. Not only did I pay $17 but I didn’t even like the drink and got yelled at for getting up and talking to someone (a cute boy). You will never see me in this place again.

Sunday in Brooklyn:

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I’ve been lusting after these pancakes since I first moved here (pathetic??). I finally decided to try them randomly this weekend. So thick, I didn’t finish them and just a strange flavor overall. I actually did like the vibe of the place, however, just not the pancakes. Not taking a dump on the whole restaurant, but the cakes you can “keep it.”

Tree Lighting in Rockefeller Center:

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Granted, I missed it because I didn’t get in line at 3pm like a psycho, I’m still not a fan. This is one of those things where you’re thinking you really wanna do it and so is about 4,000 people, not including tourists. Ended up waiting in a line for an hour and having a cop laugh at us because there was no way we were gonna see anything of interest. Very Shocked and Upset.

Should I call this Part I? I can definitely see myself doing more of these because I love sharing what I love almost as much as I love sharing what I hate! (just kidding…..kinda)

Navigating the Health Craze B.S.

I wanna preface this by saying: I am no health expert. I have no formal training and really just google stuff a lot.

However, I have been doing this whole “health” thing for a hot minute (and by that I mean for years). I wouldn’t say I’ve got it all figured out, but I do have a few tips since I’ve basically tried and tested everything from “I only eat eggs for breakfast every morning” to “I eat protein shakes for dinner and also and entire box of cereal.”

One of the worst, and simultaneously best, things about the internet is having access to MASS amounts of information all time. This is awesome because you can pretend you’re a little sponge and just soak up all the information you can! This is also bad because some of that information is probably not even real, some might say fake news. First tip:

  1. Research and read peoples stuff even if its just opinions

You may be thinking, why would I wanna hear some persons opinions? First of all, you are right now, fool. Secondly, it could help you figure out a problem way quicker and feel more connected in your health journey. For instance, if someone was like yo, when I eat green beans, my ankles swell (I literally made that up don’t @ me) and then when that happens to you, you’re like oh my god me too! You feel like less of a weirdo and also less isolated. Sometimes, being conscience of what you put in your body all of the time can be exhausting, having a connection can help. Which leads me to my next tip:

2. Find Instagrams, blogs and just people who are also trying to be a health human so you can get ideas.

I recently followed this Instagram where the guy just posts healthy versions of desserts. I made some brownies with just banana, almond butter and cacao powder. Not too shabby if I do say so myself. You can get recipes, ideas for new health stuff you’ve never heard of in your life (like Maca that I recently discovered) and feel like there’s another person in the world who also is tired of people asking why they eat kale. Also important is figuring out what works for you. How do you do that?

3. Try it, all of it

I change my diet pretty frequently. Mostly because I stick to the same stuff every week and then I’m like “if I have to look at another asparagus, I’m gonna lose it.” This stems from a childhood obsession with eating stuff repeatedly, that I love, until I hate it. I won’t touch Cliff bars anymore since I used to eat them all the time my freshman year of college (and honestly they’re basically trash anyway). If you wanna change up your diet then do it. If you try something and it’s awful, stop. You might like things you never thought you would, like kale, or you might be like “yeah green beans are still trash, thanks 5 year old me.” Also a common misconception:

4. Your meals don’t have to be Michelin level

No joke, almost everything I eat is 3 ingredients, max. I can’t stand preparing a meal that takes 30 minutes of my life and 10 ingredients (which is why meal kits aren’t really my jam). Meal prep if you wanna be fancy, but reheated food kinda sucks so I always prefer to do minimal cooking. Best advice to get veggies, quick: olive oil, salt, pepper and bake for 25 minutes. Done and done. Last, but most importantly:

5.  Every body is different~~~***~~~*** (see what I did)

I don’t eat lunch. I do interval fasting and then I’ll eat breakfast super late and then have a snack and dinner and that’s my day. Some people think that’s super weird, but I like saving my calories for the end of the day. I’ve tried to spread it out more, but then I just eat more, so its counterproductive. If you like eating a whole bunch as soon as you wake up and then nothing by the end of the day, then do that! There’s really no right answer. Not all health people eat the same thing because not everyone can do that. You can only listen to peoples advice for so long before you gotta just do what feels good to you. Honestly, it might take you a while to figure out what that even is and that’s cool too. Everyday they come out with something saying “this food is bad!!! Never eat it!!!” and two years later they say “chocolate fixes cancer.”

In the end, there’s no magic trick. The internet can say “drink apple cider vinegar and all your problems will disappear,” but thats just not real. It’s consistency and being happy with what your doing above all the random B.S. you get thrown.

 

 

 

Staying Motivated and Getting Through the “Funk”

Ever have those days where you internally “ugh” at everything in your life and you wanna just stay in bed until you’re 30 and will hopefully have everything figured out?

A sum of of my emotions this past week would be a resounding “over it.”

Work?

Over it.

Commuting?

Over it.

Dating?

Over it.

Paying bills?

Over it.

Being an adult and having to do things I don’t wanna do all the time without crying or throwing a fit?

Over.It.

I like to call this the “funk” and let’s just say the weather this week has definitely matched my mood. So how do I get out of it and return to normal again? Here are some tips.

  1. Recognize it

Sometimes, I’ll get in the “funk” because of stupid things and just wanna give up on everything. Suddenly, everything is questionable in my life and its just a scary spiral of self-doubt. Is my life actually trash? No doofus, your life is fine, it’s your emotions that need to get it together. Lately it’s just been me putting pressure on myself to be at a certain point in my career. Everyone moves at different paces in their lives and there’s no “certain time” to have accomplished anything. Take a step back and remember it’s just a feeling. Also, probably stop looking at blogger Instagrams where all they do is travel with their friends (not real life guys, sorry).

2. Wallow if needed (a little)

Sounds counter productive, but feeling sad/mad/annoyed about something for a little while can make you feel so much better after. Yes, there’s no real reason I should feel that way because I have ___ or ____ and I’m so lucky, but that doesn’t mean my feelings aren’t valid. It could be worse, of course, but don’t beat yourself up about being a human. No one can be happy all of the time.

3.  Do your version of “a hot bath”

This could be literally taking a hot bath, or maybe going to a yoga class, or watching some Netflix with wine, or hanging out with a friend. Mine happens to be writing (hence this post) and watching one of my favorite movies. This is just your idea of something to relax you, make you feel good, and forget everything for a while; whatever that may be.

4. Reset your goals

Sometimes, the “funk” happens because you’ve just been floating through life and you’ve been neglecting the goals you set for yourself. Remember why you started and think of what you could be doing in order to get closer to those goals. Living in the moment is great, but also remember where you wanna be and what steps you still need to take in order to get there.

 

With all the social media you’re exposed to, sometimes you can feel like you’re not where you should be in your life. I sometimes get down because I’m not making X amount of money or I don’t get to go on as many trips as other people or I should just be doing more in general. Your journey is your own and try not to get down just because other people appear “better off.” At the end of the day, we’re just some floating blobs, on a dust speck, worried about how much green paper we have.  In deep trench of the “funk” remember that everything can change in a second, good or bad, try not to over think it.

 

The Broke Girl’s Guide: Apartment Hunting in NYC

Finding an apartment back home was pretty easy-peasy. You go to the one closest to school, with the nicest pool of course and your dad pays your rent! It’s fab! Here, its difficult, difficult, lemon difficult. Those cool apartments with the nice pools are now like $4,000 a month and you live with 5 other people. Also, you have to make like at least 50K, send a letter from your work saying “hey she works here or whatever,” have good credit, and also give them your soul as collateral. Don’t wanna do that? Same! Now you’re gonna have to work to find a place and it is not fun.

My first time around looking for a place did not go as planned. I waited until about two weeks before I had to move before I started looking, first mistake. I would say you need to start looking AT LEAST 1 month before you wanna move, maybe even more. That’s the first tip:

  1. Start looking as early as possible in order to weed out the prison-cell-looking places and get something decent.

That’s the other thing I learned very quickly in NYC: people live in the scariest looking places for thousands of dollars a month. I can’t tell you how many places I walked into, just to walk right out and “nope” really hard. Everyone wants to be in this city, so people are basically willing to live anywhere. I, am a diva, and I like to live in a nice, cute spot that’s decorated and smells nice. Also, I don’t wanna pay over budget or live with 5 people and 1 bathroom. Sounds easy enough, right? Nope, guess again my naive friend! This is why I looked early.

Despite this, I still didn’t follow another very crucial rule:

2. If you find a place you actually like, jump on it immediately.

I found an amazing place that was basically a studio for amazingly cheap, but held back cause it was slightly more than I wanted to pay. Waited mere hours before taking it and someone had taken it immediately after seeing it. That’s the thing about NYC: shit moves FAST. If there’s an amazing place, chances are there’s at least 10 other people looking at it so lock it down if you love it. I’m still bitter I lost that place, low-key.

I read this one bloggers tips for finding a place and she couldn’t have been more out of touch (no offense). She suggested a bunch of sites like Street Easy and “just ask the doorman!” This is sound advice if you make 40x the rent of whatever your looking at, have a roommate already (or living with your S/O) or if you have someone to co-sign. I had none of these being that I don’t make a lot, I knew about 3 people and none of them were looking to move and my dad doesn’t live in New York and for some reason that’s sketchy and they don’t want you. My next tip would be:

3. Join Facebook groups that post apartments for sublease, they’re probably your best resource for good places.

I used Gypsy Housing to find the place I have now. Craigslist is also a good source. Unlike in the South, its not a sketch-zone and you usually get normal people just trying to sell stuff. You do have a few sketchy people on any site, I won’t lie, but go with your gut. If something feels off, don’t sign or give anyone any money.

I’ve now lived in three different apartments in less than a year and one of the most important things I learned was this:

4. Find a place you feel comfortable, not just somewhere to sleep.

This can be pretty hard in the city, considering you never really know what you’re gonna get with a place. My first place here was one I definitely couldn’t wait to get out of, so I’m glad it was just an Airbnb. Try to find a place you can make your own, and people who don’t drive you insane to live with.

My moral here: NYC is a stressful city. It’s loud, cold half of the time, smells weird and people are everywhere. You have to have somewhere that you can relax, de-stress, and curl up in a head blanket with a cookie when times are rough. It can take some time to find it, but it’s worth investing in.

 

Adventures in Crazy Workouts: CorePower Yoga

One of the newer workouts in the great city of New York is CorePower yoga. As the self-proclaimed Queen of Cardio, this yoga craze thing is not something I take part in. I don’t consider “stretching” to be a workout and therefore never do it. At all. Which is kinda bad I think? I never really give my muscles a chance to recover or whatever yoga does for them. I’m forcing myself to do different workouts in order to:

  1. Not get super bored working out and doing the same stuff every time
  2. Maybe change my body, have more overall tone and use different muscles??
  3. I feel like its good for me, according to random people

I challenged myself to do a week of CorePower yoga (on top of the other stuff I do). I started on Saturday, which just also happened to be the day I moved apartments. I decided to do the Hot Fusion class and I actually really enjoyed myself! None of the moves were super challenging or anything I couldn’t do as a mere beginner and newbie. It was definitely hot, but not too bad. I sweat like crazy, but I felt like I got a pretty decent workout in. 

I tried to go again on Sunday, but after moving my entire life the day before, I coolant muster the strength. I decided to go again on Thursday and chose the Core Power 2 class. I definitely should have read the description for this class because I was not prepared for what I signed up for. I ASSUMED it would just be a casual, normal, yoga class. Since there was no indication from the title of said class that it was “hot,” I assumed it would be air conditioned normally. I was wrong in my assumption. Not only that, it quiet possibly was the hottest I’ve ever been in my life inside of a building or honestly anywhere in my life. I’m so very glad I decided to wash my face before I went because I would have most definitely sweat it off anyway. I didn’t take off my waterproof mascara and that shit went right into my eyeballs as did gallons of sweat. I washed my hair that morning and even the ENDS of my hair were wet. I can’t talk enough about how hot and sweaty this class was I literally almost walked out simply so I could BREATHE AIR. My yoga mat definitely doubled as a slip-n-slide by the end. The actual yoga part was very good, a little more challenging, but still do-able. I was going to go again on Saturday, but after actually reading the description of the classes I was like “I’m not washing my hair after this I refuse” so I only used two classes out of my free week. 

Also funny side note: At the end of the class, the instructor played this like soothing music so we could like idk, relax in our pool of sweat, and I was like “huh this song sounds familiar.” I thought maybe I had it on some weird sleep playlist or something and then I remembered its the super annoying emotional song they play every time something intense happens between Fitzgerald and Olivia on Scandal. It got to the point where when I was binging Scandal I wanted to skip their parts because they play it EVERY TIME. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then I suggest you get some damn culture in your life and watch Scandal. 

Overall, I liked the classes. I could not do yoga like, by itself, but every now and then, I can handle. I definitely won’t be doing any more hot yoga classes at least for a while. 

Week 4: The Finale

Oh. My. God

This last month has been the toughest shit ever. Yes, I am a health freak for the most part, but ya girl loves junk on a occasion. I have never gone this far without eating any thing I would consider “bad.” That horrible, dumb quote from Kate Moss that’s like “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” is a giant, awful lie that she tells herself because she hates her body and herself. Guess what? I love myself and I’m gonna eat fries when I’m hungover on a Sunday and that’s FINE. I like my body enough to where I’m gonna do what I want. It aint perfect, but if I have to suffer like this to look like her, then nah.

As a human who interacts with other humans on a daily basis, I am BOMBARDED with sugar every single day. It’s in the office, it’s on the subway and it’s even on my Instagram. There is no point where I “forget” about sugar, it’s everywhere, all the time. Because I am also a human of 23 years, I know what sugar tastes like and my brain is like “oh yeah that shit is good please get back to eating that” so of course I also think about it all the time.

I will say this week wasn’t as bad since I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m kind of nervous I’ll get back into some of my bad habits, but I’m determined to keep this up for the most part. I’m definitely not gonna eat sugar just for the sake of eating it, but will be giving in when I wanna claw my arm off for some chocolate (i’m human).

The 2 reasons I’ve made it through this horrible month:

  1. Other millions and billions of people have done it, and if I didn’t do it, I’d feel like a failure. I’m super competitive and I gotta at least be on par with other people when it comes to health.
  2. I said I would on this blog. I could have just lied and said I did while I ate my cupcakes, but I would feel bad for lying. Not sure why, cause who cares, but I wanna be authentic on here. I also verbally told people, so again, I’d feel guilty.

Body Feels

My body does look pretty great I will say that. I lost the little bit of “pudge” or whatever you wanna call it and I’m back to my “normal.” Don’t have abs now or anything crazy, but that its what has gotten me through parts of this whole thing is the fact that I look damn good again. I never weigh myself, so I always go by what I look like in clothes (it’s weird but it works). “I “feel” overall pretty good too. Not like “wow night and day totally different person” good, but pretty good. Waking up in the morning is noticeably easy and I have a good amount of energy like all day. The exception is when I eat almond butter, I feel like shit but I think that’s just a me thing. My body rejects all things nut related, I have figured out(or am I allergic??? scary thought).

The Face

My face didn’t change at all really. I’ve pumped my body with enough meds (acutane thank you) to where I just don’t really breakout anymore, so not having a breakout is kinda normal (although even the occasional breakout didn’t happen). I kinda just look the same. I thought maybe my dark circles would get better, but nope. Those babies just occur no matter what, I suppose.

Foods I will Be Keeping Around in my Diet:

Cinnamon

Kinda dumb, but this has made things taste sooooooo much better without adding sugar to it. I used to not like cinnamon very much (cinnamon buns are still really not my thing, no I’m not dead inside), but I’ve found it to be so useful lately when it comes to a sweeter breakfast/snack.

Apple Cider Vinegar 

Okay I’m gonna be really real, I have no idea what this has actually done for me because I’ve added so many things to my diet. HOWEVER, for the simple fact that I still have some left and have gotten used to it, I’m gonna keep it up. I feel like its really good for digestion, but that could be all in my head.

Clementines

Or mandarin oranges, I’m not picky. I absolutely love them and I bought them on a whim. It’s replaced my sugary dessert after dinner and it’s almost as good.

Foods I’ll Probably Never Touch Again

Tahini

Okay this stuff is pretty good, but I got sick of it pretty quick. Might still put it on veggies, but as far as salad dressing and having to buy it all the time, nah. I liked it, but not in love with it.

Almond Butter, Peanut Butter and all the stupid nutt butters

I love this stuff, which means I eat a lot of it. That also means I feel HORRIBLE after eating this stuff. It’s not like “oh wow I’m full whew I gotta chill” it’s more like “please let me go home in the middle of work to sit in the fetal position and fart myself into oblivion.” TMI , but I can’t have this in my home anymore it’s detrimental to my health and happiness.

Chia Pudding

This stuff just takes wayy too much to be good and even then, isn’t great. I’m sure its very healthy, but just not for me. I’ll be sicking to GF overnight oats from now on.

Cacao Nibs

I don’t need to say much more on these, but I really wanna know how health people are eating this. They are literally so bitter. I just can’t. So awful. I spent 20 bucks on a bag of them, please hold me.

 

Overall, I felt the most amazing at week 1 and some of week 2(besides the hormonal thing). Past that, it’s kinda made me hangry and super annoyed. I’m thinking about how badly I want a cookie and it annoys me that I’m not eating it, basically. I love myself and treat myself often, so this has just not been great. I definitely think this is something that’s easier with someone doing it with you. I have no one who wanted to do this horrible thing with me, so there’s no one to suffer with. Misery loves company.

I do feel like this was worth it. I will not be going back to putting pounds of sugar in my coffee, or eating a cookie every night. I’m NOT a diet person, its either a full lifestyle change or nothing for me(and its let me stick to a healthy life way easier). I needed this just to break some dumb sugar habits and now that I have, I’m sticking to it(just not gonna go a straight month without sugar again).

 

I proved I could do it and I’m sure my body loves me not trashing it with all the sugar. By tomorrow, I will be celebrating my victory with a cookie coma!!!!

 

Week 3: A Hard Lesson

This week was 10 billion percent better than last week. No hormones to weigh me down or get in my way!! 

 

I’ve found myself eating more meat lately? Not sure what that’s about but, funny story. So we’ve been having an influx of meetings at work, which means we’ve been having a lot of food just like around our floor. Not really sure what the meetings are about or why people need food sent up and they can’t just like be normal humans and take a break?? Nonetheless, there’s this one specific hallway where they’ll have just like a table of food. Now, I can’t eat the chips (I tried, but there were 2 grams of sugar and I was like not worth it), but there were like little pieces of grilled chicken in a bowl that seemed pretty safe. Basically, every time I walk by, I’m taking little pieces and then putting them with my salads. It’s ridiculous how many grilled chicken strips I’ve consumed this past week. I’ve also eaten fish a little more too. Whole Foods has a fab hot food bar and I love this lemon rosemary one they keep having. Still not buying meat because I can’t stand actually cooking it, but not being totally vegan isn’t horrible.

I have sort of gotten in a rut a little bit. I love my diet of course, but I was starting to get sick of the same old salad. Also, I’ve been snacking too much on almond butter which is actually horrible. I have a weird digestive thing with nuts, but that I mean they just don’t sit well. It could be because I never eat the serving size, but I usually just feel bleh after. I’ve been keeping my almond butter in my desk at work and that is like the worst thing I could do because I’m literally thinking about how much I wanna eat it CONSTANTLY. It’s the only thing in my diet that tastes sweet, so every five minutes I’m like: you know what would be great right now, some delicious almond butter. Sunday, I fund some with 1 gram of sugar so maybe that one won’t tempt me as much, here’s hoping. 

Of course the weekend was the hardest. Saturday I went to brunch and just got something basic with eggs. The friends I was with got a lemon creme filled dessert and I wanted to gauge my eyeballs out so I wouldn’t have to look at the devil’s temptation. It was rough, but in hindsight not that bad. Later, I went to a Mexican restaurant and it wasn’t so bad since I had eaten before hand. Secret to life right there cause you’re way less tempted for the bad stuff. 

Snack/foods that are getting me through this:

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This should’ve been a purchase at the beginning of this diet, but I’m not a super huge fan of cinnamon, normally. I put this in my Chia pudding and wow, it made such a huge difference. It took it from meh, to actually really good! 

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I was gonna also put Cacao nibs on here but see the meme below for why not:

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Also please look at this sadness:

 

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Coming up on my last week and I’m literally starting to plan out all the stuff I wanna eat at the end. So much for not throwing caution to the wind???? I’m like oh treat yoself! but also that’s how I’m in the predicament of not being very healthy so my two sides are battling it out we shall see which one wins. It’s a love-hate relationship with this, obviously.