The Dating App Conundrum

When I moved here for an internship my junior year of college, I was the queen of dating apps. I really only used Bumble (this was pre-Hinge) and found pretty decent success. I was broke and knew absolutely no one so dating apps were fun when I was bored and wanted to do something in the city. I also lived in the East Village, which is prime for dating and going out in your 20’s. It gave me some much needed distraction and hey, summer of fun in the city. 

In college back home, I never used them. I had enough success—or should I say I had enough “distractions” going out to bars that I really just didn’t need them. I definitely used them when I was bored and needed a confidence boost, but never really dated anyone from them. I always felt like I had to be constantly talking to someone, so any lull in my boy-craziness needed to be filled with a stint on a dating app that I would give up a week later.

Since moving here, I picked it back up again. I would say 9 out of 10 times are usually a bust. Since I actually live here now and it’s not just a summer vacation, it’s almost a chore. Out of the dates I’ve been on in the last year, only 2 have made it past the first date and only 1 further than that. I was listening to a podcast and a comedian said it best, “I don’t use dating apps because the “vibe” I give off online is not really me. You don’t usually like someone just based on pictures, it’s peoples energy.” I try way too hard on dating apps to sound funny and original, therefore I look like a weirdo. I try to match with people who also sound funny and original on dating apps, therefore I match with guys who aren’t my type more often than not. No idea why that is.

I’d first like to point out some weirdos and just general funny stuff that seems to happen only on dating apps. Ladies, read it and weep—with laughter:

First, let’s start off with some weird trend I’ve been noticing (that definitely need an explanation and a cease and desist):

When answering the question “The last time you cried was…,” an ALARMING amount of men have said the movie Click. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s that really horrible movie with Adam Sandler aka basically every movie he’s in ever. The fact that enough men are crying during this movie that I’ve noticed is so horrible I don’t wanna think about it.  Adam god-damn Sandler, I can’t. 

When asked about their last meal, chicken parmesan is a very popular answer. I think I’ve eaten that once in my whole life. Not a bad choice, but so weird. I guess it’s better than saying pizza, but really only one step up.

Job title as “looking” or “entrepreneur” translates in my brain to “unemployed and will take you to a dive bar and split it.” Just make something up related to what you do or put what you WERE doing, duh.

Linked Instagram accounts: mixed feelings about these because sometimes they add more pictures of the guy. HOWEVER, some people should not. For example, if your entire Instagram is you doing “motivational” videos. I also ran into a guy who had an entire Instagram of….boats. Like maybe keep a little mystery going into date 1, just a thought.

Here’s some gems I managed to screenshot and am very happy I did:

Just trying to match with the general population. Nothing specific
Who’s gonna tell this guy it’s 2018 and everyone has seen Star Wars….
I think I’ll go out to dinner. I don’t fancy being cooked???
Is he here just to make friends??
Can’t communicate, someone help him
Do you live in New York City, yes or no?
This was a solid burn and I don’t feel bad. Okra is DISGUSTING
Thanks Justin! 
33,000 people at LSU but yep, toooootally know him. Also serial killer response
this guy never matched with me because he doesn’t like to be corrected. I really wanna know if he fixed the spelling, it haunts me everyday.
This guy never matched with me either, I mean COMEON he probably never got something so funny he didn’t know how to handle it.
I hope this guy found love cause he deserves it

Lastly, I’d like to say that men are still out here, in 2018, thinking selfies are okay. They are not. Please, please stop taking shirtless pictures, pictures in your car (???), pictures in your bathroom mirror with your leg on the sink (this is a real picture I saw of a guy who had the AUDACITY TO MATCH WITH ME. If you want to see it DM me). I know for a fact your mom makes you take pictures every Christmas, your fired who are girls take pictures of you or get your bro to take one I DONT CARE. No selfies in 2019 thank you. 

Needless to say, I deleted them all recently. I think it’s a good idea to take breaks from dating apps. I haven’t in a while and I have to say I really don’t miss it. If it gets monotonous, delete it. You don’t need to waste energy and good makeup on a boring date! All the power to you if you like them and you met your boyfriend/husband/soulmate, but I’m tired and its getting cold as hell. I’ll be watching Christmas movies and hanging with my friends until further notice.


24 Facts On My 24th

Hi yes, it is the moment you’ve been waiting for. It’s finally my birthday! I can’t believe I’m 24, but also feels like I should be 30 by now since this year has felt so long. Figured I’d do a fun fact post about me cause why not? I’m FUN. None of the generic “I’m from the south and I like pizza!” shit, some WEIRD facts and some funny ones.

  1. Anytime I buy clothes, I have to get more than one thing. It’s also usually pants and a shirt but they probably don’t go together so my closet is basically a mess of things I barely wear that only go with black.
  2. In Kindergarten, I changed my favorite color from pink to blue because the boy I liked, liked blue. It’s been blue ever since, but I can’t believe it was shaped by a BOY.
  3. Undiagnosed, but I’m pretty sure I have Halitophobia(the fear of bad breath) because I always have gum and chew it constantly.
  4. I’ve never owned a dog. Both my parents hated dogs, but I always had a cat, growing up. 
  5. I love sleep. I recently told someone staying up late is my least favorite thing and its true. If I get less than 8 hours, I’m super cranky 
  6. I hate brushing my teeth and it’s the last thing I do when I go to sleep and when I leave my place. Basically, I put it off till the very last second.
  7. I had a period after graduating high school where I was adamant about going to school in NYC. I, for some reason, loathed the idea of going to LSU. I even paid an application fee to apply to Hunter college, but I chickened out. Thank god.
  8. I’ve been working out for over 10 years and haven’t gone more than a week without doing some sort of workout
  9. I used to HATE sweet potatoes until I cooked them myself. I still think putting cinnamon and marshmallows with them is a crime against food. 
  10. When I was younger, I always said I wanted to be married by the time I was the age I am now. 
  11. I don’t like Thanksgiving. Bad memories of me having to eat green bean casserole and sweet potatoes with marshmallows. 
  12. On my first day of freshman year of high school, I HAD to listen to “Fifteen” by Taylor Swift. I also listened to “Jack and Diane” when I turned 16. I also listen to “Hotel California” when I went to California. 
  13. I used to want to be a singer growing up and even named myself “Jennasee Star.” I took voice lessons for a few years and was in choir for a while, but my stage fright is awful, so I quit.
  14. My junior year of high school, I got unhealthily obsessed with One Direction. I basically followed their every move for an entire summer. Keep in mind, I was 17 and other people were probably getting drunk and going to parties. 
  15. I re-watch movies I like, all the time. I like knowing how they end and knowing it’s gonna be a good movie without having to invest in a new one.
  16. I read my horoscope, but only really believe it when I want something good to happen.
  17. I love driving, but I’m super bad at it. I’ve been in four wrecks and at least two ditches. My last wreck totaled my car and it was a four car pile up. No one ever got hurt, but they were not pretty.
  18. My brother knocked out my front tooth as a kid and I had a snaggle tooth until I got braces at 15
  19. Almost all of my clothes are either Forever 21 or H&M, since I prefer to buy my clothes in multiples
  20. I’m more close to my mom, but definitely have the personality of my dad (and his nose).
  21. I’ve always kept a journal. I have some from me at 5 all the way to now. I try to keep them semi-detailed because I hate re-reading them and having zero idea what I’m talking about. 
  22. I had ombré hair for a year and let’s just say it wasn’t cute. I was basically blonde
  23. My first job ever was at Subway and I got fired for calling in sick on a Sunday because my boss thought I was just hungover. I wasn’t, it was just too late to take off that day and I had something else I wanted to do. 
  24. I recently (like maybe a month ago) found out the Karen Carpenter did not die of a “hunger strike” like my parents told me. I never googled it, I have no idea why.

Cheers to 24 years! I can’t wait to see how this year goes, I have a great feeling it’s gonna be a good one. To 23, I invoke the great Ariana Grande and say “Thank you, next.

 

Masturdating: Because We lovin’ Ourselves in 2018, Ladies

Happy November 1st! Or should I say Happy Birthday Month to me! I love November, not just because of my birth, but also because it’s officially Fall—in my book. Which means, it’s cuffing season, ladies. If you’re not familiar with the term, let me enlighten you. Cuffing season is a relatively new term, which as defined by urban dictionary, means:

During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.

Basically, you exclusively hook-up with one dude for the winter months because it’s too cold to go out and face the horrors of endless “first dates.” Can’t relate? Probably because you live somewhere where it gets 40 degrees for 3 days and you can easily remedy ANY cold weather by not having to walk more than five feet anywhere because you have a CAR (I’m not bitter).

Since living in this fridged wasteland, I’ll be the first to say I was down for this. Actually experiencing the cold here and thinking about going on a lack-luster first date is it’s own American Horror Story. So, you deal with someone that can best be described as “meh” so you don’t have to face the cold and let’s be real, the holidays, alone. Sounds great? Wrong-o. This turns out to be its own hell where you end up making this more than it really is and feeling exhausted giving 95% while the guy give 5%. Next thing ya know you’re back where you started and a touch more bitter than you were previously.

SO WHAT IS A SINGLE GAL TO DO? Let me introduce you to ”masturdating,” AKA my new favorite word I learned from my beautiful friend, LaurelDid I read that right? Probs not,but allow me to fix that. What does this mean? Again, we travel back to Urban Dictionary:

In this lewd yet satisfying activity, one will engage on an ordinary date with his/herself and with the objective to impress and please only themselves.

If you’ve ever watched Sex in the City, this might sound a little familiar. They devoted one episode where Carrie basically dates herself (and New York?) and has a marvelous time hanging out by herself−some other stuff happens, but I digress. In a city with a plethora of things to do, I highly suggest dating yourself. When I first moved here and had zero friends, I did things by myself all the time. It takes a second to get used to and feels a little awkward, but start small. The easiest thing to do by yourself, is the movies. The lights stay on for a few minutes and then everyone shuts up and you’re all in the dark for 2 hours. No one will even notice you enjoying your candy by yourself and living your best life! I’ve done this a bunch of times when it was rainy and I just wanted a quiet day not spent in my apartment. I’ve sat in the park and read a book on a nice day and even taken myself to lunch—usually just pick a quiet place or a weird off-time. One day I may even take myself to dinner (which honestly, sounds a little scary).

If you read this and your first thought is why would I want to hangout by myself, that sounds so boring. Ask yourself why anyone else would wanna hangout with you if you don’t even wanna hangout with you? *mic drop*

 

How To Survive in NYC (for a year)

I have to preface this by saying, I only know how to survive here for a year so far, so take this how you will.

It’s crazy as hell to think I’ve been living here for a whole year. Can I make it anywhere now? Just kidding, I have not “made it.” I do think I could probably live anywhere now. I’ve said it before, but this has been a long year, but also a very short year. So much is different, including myself. Not to sound fake deep and corny, but moving here has really changed me and tested me. Sometimes when I really didn’t want to change or be tested (the city really be testing me a lot).

It didn’t start out all rainbows and kisses, though. This also marks the day I missed my 6 am flight (never again), had a 4 hour layover, broke down because I couldn’t figure out how to get into the Airbnb I had rented and finally collapsing into sleep at 2 am after realizing I was trying to open the wrong door. Some of my experiences here have been just like that: a mess.

Obviously, not everything about NYC is messy. Cool things happen here all the time, like Christmas, full bands in the middle of the subway station, going to very fancy places when you are not fancy. Sometimes, just walking around is my favorite thing I did all day.

Anyway, these are the things I’ve learned since living here. Also, a few tips if you move here.

 

Unlimited subway passes are not for “rich people”

First of all, rich people aren’t taking the subway. Second, if you don’t get the unlimited and you have to commute for work everyday, you’re gonna be spending more money for no reason. This is generic, but I did it for like two months and would choose between walking somewhere and taking the train.

Figure out the easiest way to get home at night and at normal times

Okay, so the trains are ridiculous after like 9pm on a weekday and weekends. Sometimes they run late night, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they tell you, and sometimes they don’t. If you only know one train home, you’re gonna be screwed. Figure it out now, or freak out when its dark and scary. Your choice ladies. My advice, always know how to get home from Union Square. Almost every train passes through there, so it’s a very easy spot to get to.

Always charge your phone. I repeat. ALWAYS CHARGE YOUR PHONE

Or keep one of those dorky battery packs with you. I choose to charge because that doesn’t fit in my cute, small, purse. I say this because there may come a night when your phone dies, you have no idea where you are and you decided to keep talking to a guy who has now ditched you. This will be very terrifying at 4 am. Charge your phone, or cry because you don’t know how to get to the L from where you are. (also, before someone calls me out, I was in the west village so the streets were not numbered!!!).

All pizza basically tastes the same. Don’t believe the hype.

Lemme tell you, I’ve had a lot of pizza in my time here and I still like the dollar slices.   Maybe that makes me a cheap date, but I will accept this title with pride. Everyone here acts like a pizza snob because some people put some noodles on it or an extra blob of cheese. Also, Joe’s pizza sucks. Catch me standing in a horrendous line for burnt pizza, I have lost my mind.

Just take the Uber to the Airport, unless you want to spend all day trying to get there.

If you have all day to kill and want to be cheap, go for it. If you wanna go to work half-day and then fly, DO NOT TRY TO TAKE THE TRAIN OR BUS. It’s just not worth the inevitable “hi can I skip you? my flight is leaving in 10 minutes and if I don’t make it I may cry right here in front of you and that is awkward for everyone involved.”

Don’t live in New Jersey

Just don’t. There’s only one train and it’s slow. You’ll never convince me otherwise

Times Square is horrifying

I thought so when I moved here and it has only been solidified since I had to work near it. No where else will you run into people just standing around looking up or a creepy dude in an Iron Man costume saying “oh my god you look so good hello beautiful.” Why broadway shows are there, I will never know.

Bodegas are legit. Not everything there is super cheap, though.

I can get asparagus for a dollar, but Cheerios are 5 bucks. Rx bars are maybe 50 cents more and almond butter is like 4 dollars more. I’d say, get most produce there, but the extra stuff you’re gonna wanna go to the real store(more than likely whole foods).

Buying too much at the grocery store isn’t a cute lil meme, its actually the WORST THING YOU CAN DO

Lemme tell you right now, buying groceries is a horrible experience. If you get too much stuff and tragically have to get two bags instead of one, you are about to be very uncomfortable on the train, off the train and walking your dumb butt home. Shopping online was 100% invented by a New Yorker because absolutely no one wants to drag a bunch of bags home. My only advice is that you buy gloves for the winter and get an apartment close to the train (you won’t think thats a big deal at first because you can walk but some day you may have a ripped whole foods bag and will be cursing yourself for that mistake), or by some miracle have a whole foods right by your house.

New Yorkers aren’t mean, they just mind their business and maybe are in a constant irritated state

If anyone in the South sits down and starts chatting with you, it’s weird, but kinda fine. If anyone does that in New York, the person is homeless, insane, or both. Most of the time, New Yorkers are just trying to get wherever they need to go n one piece and quickly. I think this HuffPost article sums it up the best:

Wake up in a small room.
Leave the apartment to grab a coffee. Wait in line.
Get honked at by a cab driver while trying to cross the street (you didn’t cross fast enough).
Get to the subway. Five people push you into the train car because EVERYONE is in a rush.
You’re smushed, and way too close to a stranger for comfort.
Get out of the train, get bumped into by five people trying to cut in front of you to get to the stairs.
Walk into your office building. Wait in line for the elevator.
Try to squeeze into the elevator, but too many people. Wait for the next one.
Get to your desk.

We have a reason to be irritated. You try doing this every single day.

New York during Christmas is a magical experience

Everyone should come here in December at least once. New York probably spend an unholy amount of money to make itself the place to be during Christmas and it shows. There’s so much to do and so little December (and also too many people).

I promise you this, everyone is hustling just as much as you are and also feel like they’re failing

New York can make you feel like you are never doing enough. It costs an extreme amount of money just to exist in this place, so it can feel like you can never catch up. You’re over worked and get paid what can feel like nothing just to live. Sometimes, it feels like everyone else makes more, lives better, has more etc. In reality, whatever person you’re looking at is probably older, has worked for years longer than you or is struggling as well and just looks like they’re better off. No one is posting their failures.

Making friends is hard. You’re gonna have to look like weirdo to make them, but its worth it.

Being blasé about making friends will get you absolutely no where. You’re gonna have to put yourself out there, feel stupid, meet people you don’t necessarily vibe with and even do some stuff by your damn self. You’ll come out on the other side, but the loneliness can be stifling if you let it. Don’t.

Believe what people say, it’s HARD to live here. (It’s worth it)

In case you can’t tell, it is hard to live here. It costs a lot for very little space. There’s a billion people. It smells. You feel FOMO all the time. The winter is death. Sometimes you get up and just wanna go back to sleep for a month because you’re really tired of “rise and grind.” Something that always makes me feel a little better is that, eventually, I won’t live here. I will have done (hopefully) all of the things I wanted to do, and will be tired of all this hustle and bustle and move my butt out of here. The doe-eyed look you get when you first move here is going to fade with the “rat race” of everyday life, but the city still has some tricks up its sleeve if you really want to see it. You have all of your life to experience being slower-paced and settling yourself down. Living here is not for the weak or the slow. Do it now, because the story later is the best to tell. Whether its 1 year or 10, it’s a great career move. You really can make it anywhere if this is where you start. Also it’s really fun to vacation other places and tell people where you live (people automatically think you’re living your best life whether that’s actually true or not).

 

I Don’t Even Have a “Pla” Year-aversery!

One whole year of blogging went so fast! I had no idea what would come of this when I started it a year ago, but I can 100% say that I would not be where I am right now if I had never started. So crazy how many people actually read this and follow my attempt at being an adult after college.

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Cant believe this picture is over a year old. Really wanna cut my hair again after seeing this (my hair really just needs to be cut in general)

Some parts of this year has been rough (bold for emphasis). The winter was the worst and I felt really weird and moody for a lot of it. Doing this was sort of my own personal self-care and I definitely have gotten out of this what I put into it. Moving here, I knew it would be hard, but I had no idea how it would feel. I put pressure on myself to be doing certain things and spent too much energy worrying about where my life was going and feeling bad about it not looking like I wanted it to. Through all of that craziness, this has been my constant. I’m just now starting to get in my groove of this whole big city life and feeling like I have some clarity career-wise. Reminder that doing scary things might not always feel super stellar, but they are so very worth it!

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One of my very first pictures (I learned to use instagram stories to edit them and lets just say I liked it a lot)

When I first thought about my blog, I just wanted to share food, clothes and beauty stuff that I liked. I was so worried about this being “too personal” because I thought, Who wants to read about me and my life? The dumbest thing I did was doubt myself. I didn’t want to advertise that I was writing a blog, I didn’t want anyone reading it and judging me, which is inevitable no matter what you do. I took myself out of my comfort zone so much this past year and it has paid off dramatically. Recently, I’ve been taking my blog to a more personal level and the feedback has been amazing! Of course I will still be doing my regular fun posts and any NYC advice I have, but I definitely want to share more about my life in the next year.

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One of my first ever “blogger” pics. Still love that outfit

I was trying to think of any advice I had for anyone starting a blog and I can really only think of one thing:

Just start

I spent to much time worrying about people reading it and making it “good,” that it took me forever to even start. Don’t put so much pressure on it that you never even start. It doesn’t have to be perfect, ground-breaking or “important,” it just needs to show people you put some thought and personality into something you love. Reading my very first post is very surreal. Honestly, I still think its funny and cute and maybe I’ll start doing those things-i-love-this-week posts again (even though not a lot of people read those).

^^^(probably the funniest thing     thats ever happened to me)

I would also recommend utilizing Instagram in partner with your blog. I’m gonna get a ‘lil sappy real quick, but I have met some truly amazing girls just interacting on Instagram. Just reaching out to people telling them how cool you think they are might feel super weird, but thats how I’ve made many of the friends I have now.  The three girls you always see me with? Met them through Instagram and would not know what the heck I would be doing right now if I didn’t know them (crying? being lonely? caught up on all tv shows in existence because I’d have nothing else to do?). So much of the criticism of social media is that it’s all very fake and you lose the ability to interact with people. So I try my hardest not to keep it all surface-based and be as honest as i can about my life.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is if you’re even sort of thinking about starting a blog or writing, DO IT. It has changed my life and I cannot wait to see where I’ll be in my second year of blogging!