A Definitive Argument For Being “Picky”

 

I have been what normal people would classify as “single” basically my entire existence (save for about 4 horrifying months which I’m just not even gonna count anymore). However, I was “dating” my entire college life and it was less than enjoyable if you can guess. “Dating” I would classify as anyone you spend time with, hook-up with on a regular basis and/or drunk cry about when they don’t text you back after a certain amount of months. My college existence was an endless cycle of this. Meet a guy, go out with him, meet his friends, get invested, and fizzle into nothing more than a sad thought after too much vodka. Then, start all that all over again with some other dude. My mom would always say, “It’s because you’re too picky! A guy doesn’t have to be super hot!” Those words stuck in my mind every time I thought, “okay I don’t like this about him maybe we shouldn’t talk anymore.” My mom’s voice would come into my head and so, I resolved to stick it out. “Give him a chance” and “you’re too picky” is the shady form of “this guy likes you so you should date him even if you don’t like him because you might not ever get someone to like you again” Which is a terrifying thing to a woman, I mean, how do we survive if there isn’t a guy who likes us? No one has ever claimed that men are too picky and single, they’re just “bachelors sewin’ their wild oats,” or whatever. Guys are some of the most picky people on the planet and yet, I don’t see anyone claiming they need to change.

There’s a lot of pressure, as a single person, to be actively trying to date someone. So much so, that there’s a market for it, hence dating apps. Since moving here, men are everywhere and nowhere, simultaneously. Supposedly, there are millions of men in New York City, and I’ve yet to discover a single decent male I didn’t have to first meet on a dating app. Working in fashion meant I saw about 2 humans of the male variety, all of which, are gay. That means, if I want to meet someone I have to meet them either randomly (coffee shop, gym, subway?), at a bar or on a dating app. My preferred method has been the apps. Easiest and fastest way to meet people and not having to be on “patrol” for guys everywhere I go. Dating apps are the one place where you can embrace your “picky.” Weird picture? Bye. He’s only 5’6″? Nope. Then you start to weed through a lot of guys really fast and you think “well maybe height isn’t a huge deal” or “yeah he lives in Jersey and I live in Brooklyn but it could work!” Why are you forcing yourself to sacrifice all the things you want in a guy just because it’s taking a hot second to actually find it? I’ve been with some guys who have been the absolute worst just to, “give them a chance,” and at the end of it I just thought, “Why did I even waste my precious time?” Women have been crucified for having a check-list for the perfect dude so much that we now have to just date whoever comes along. Yes, sometimes you can find things in people you never saw coming, but wasting energy on people you have no interest in is, well, a waste. I wouldn’t say the guys I actually liked checked all my invisible “boxes,” but the things I would sacrifice in order to just date someone were readily available in other people if I would’ve just chilled the F out for a few months. So often we settle for “fine” because it’s comfortable in a relationship. You like them, but something is off, and you stay because you don’t want to have to start all over with someone else. Relationships are fun, but also should be exciting and way more than just “fine.”

Doing a quick Google search about being picky in a relationship can yield a plethora of articles about how to “fix” it. I get it; don’t be picky because you could also miss a great guy! I think we just get too lonely and next thing you know, the list goes totally out the window just so we can stop feeling so horrible about being single. What I’m trying to say is, don’t throw out your checklist. Remember the episode of Friends where Chandler resolves to not be picky anymore and goes out with the girl who has the weird nostrils and stick it out with the girl who has mascara goop in her eyes? Guess what, he should’ve left those girls in the dust because at the end of the day, they weren’t right for him and truned out to be real weirdos. One of them left him locked up to a desk with no pants on.  Fictional example, but it holds up. Embrace being picky about who you date and spend time with, no matter how old you get, how long you’ve been single or how many holidays you have to say “Yep, still single and picky.”

 

Advice on Adulting and Doing Scary Life Shit

As you’ll notice immediately from the title of this post, this is not your vibes for the week. I am very sorry. I will talk about my fun adventures and cool stuff maybe in the middle of this week? Idk. But anyway. If you’re only here for the vibes feel free to tune in next week….

I don’t know if any of you reading this has made a big move in their lives lately, but lemme let you in on a little secret………………………………………..

Its HARDDDDDDDDDDD. Especially living in a city where you know exactly 5 people and not really on the “take a bullet for me and let me fart in front of you” level (farting is also as important as a bullet). I’m used to living with my cousins whom I would do all of the above for and my mom being an hour away if I ever need anything. Up here, I have to fend for myself in a lot of ways I didn’t anticipate. So I wanted to do this post giving some tips/advice for anyone moving somewhere far away or just adulting and scared. Mostly NYC stuff cause that’s what I know.

First and foremost, just do it

One of my biggest struggles was actually making the decision to move and following through with it. I wanted to do it so so bad when I was actually in school, but then after I graduated, things got a little too real. I was stuck in the “planning for tomorrow and now tomorrow is today” and I got scared shitless, not gonna lie. I worried about money, if I would ever get a job, if i’d be lonely and sad, if I’d hate it up here, if I’d ever be able to come home again and if I should just move somewhere closer. Ultimately, New York has always been a goal of mine and I just got fed up with myself and within the span of 2 weeks, got a plane ticket, got a place and got outta town. It’s something you can’t overthink, you have to feel it and do it.

You have more stuff than you think and getting it all over there is gonna suck

Packing all of my stuff and moving up here was so sucky. I have way more stuff than I anticipated and it was soo stressful trying to decide what I really needed and what I could live without. My bags were all packed to the GILLS which stressed me out and they were HEAVY, which means getting my carryon out of the overhead bin was a struggle. To be honest though, I wouldn’t change it. I packed enough to where I had everything I needed and none of my luggage got lost, thank god.

DO NOT TRY AND GET AN APARTMENT IMMEDIATELY, I REPEAT, DO NOT

I seriously considered just getting an AirBnB for two weeks and then getting an apartment which is so very stupid and I’m glad I didn’t. If you’re moving to a place thats basically foreign to you and you can’t actually look at the apartments, do not try and get anything immediately. I got an Airbnb for a month and a half and it’s still a struggle trying to find an apartment. Honestly, that’s the most challenging thing for me. Explore areas you like and try to find places there. It also takes forever to get a place because they’re all over the city and working full-time while trying to look at places is craziness. Save yourself the trouble and just get something temporarily.

Dont buy too many groceries, you eat out more often than not

This is really just a New York thing, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve just bought meals because I was doing something till really late after work, or I didn’t have enough time to go home and grab something. Sometimes, it’ll take me an hour to get home from the city, so buying dinner is a necessity unless I wanna eat at 10pm. Whole Foods also just happens to be right next to my work, and they have buffalo cauliflower so in the end I’m eating better than I would at home, thank you.

Dude just take the damn Uber

I love the subway. It’s usually fast and it’s cheap. But sometimes, and I struggle with this, I should’ve just taken an Uber. For example when I wanna wear heels to brunch and everyone on the subway looks at me like I’m the lochness monster. Or when I’m moving my shit out of my apartment and I really can’t carry everything without making another trip. Or when you just really wanna ride in a nice car that’s quiet and doesn’t smell like pee and you don’t have to be around other people. Sometimes you just gotta stop being cheap and give yourself a break from the subway hustle.

 

Determination will get you everywhere

Living in New York can get pretty difficult. From basically getting hit by a car, to moving out of an apartment without a car, to finding out you’ve been walking the wrong way down a street for 30 minutes, this city can be stressful. It definitely has kept me on my toes. One thing that has got me through it is determination, plain and simple. I’ve wanted to be here since I can remember and the more time I spend in New York, the more I fall in love with it. I am determined to be in this place that I love more than I’m willing to let its hardships bring me down. You have to want it more than any of the bullshit the city and life are gonna throw at you whether its a job or an apartment or just trying to thrive. You have to want it, like really bad.

Sometimes your decisions are gonna have to be quick. They’re worth it

I’ve had to make some quick and stressful decisions this past couple months more than I ever have in my life. New York moves so fast and it can be hard to keep up, especially coming from the South. I love it, but it’s a crazy adjustment. You gotta hustle hard and just got with it. I’m not used to making decisions, especially big ones, on the fly. Take a breath and figure it out.

Support Support Support

Lastly, I would not and could not be where I am right this second without the support of my family and friends. Everyone has their own opinions about the decisions you make in your life. I had a bunch of people saying how crazy I was for moving up here with no job.  They were right of course and I knew it, but I had to go and find out for myself. However, I also had my fair share of support. Its the simple things like “wow you’re so brave that’s amazing” or when people get excited with you when you tell them about the cool adult thing you just did. I also wanna brag on my parents as well. My parents are amazing and have always supported anything and everything i have ever wanted to do. I can’t tell you how rad it feels when your mom says she’s proud of you or your dad taking care of something you just can’t do on your own. I’m so lucky to have amazing parents and friends who push me to do better and be better always. If you can support anyone doing anything scary or crazy, do it.

This probably goes without saying because ya’ll probably can tell from my posts but this crazy wild decision is the best one I’ve made in a long time. Right up there with going to LSU and buying that slice of pizza this morning.  It’s been a crazy month but it also feels like I’ve been here forever? Excited for the fun times to come.